this blog has been started on a complete whim and will be an extension of my tiktok account (I think.) I plan to post more long form writing, stolen images, and general musings on internet culture from the late 00s to early 2010s....but we'll see how that goes lol.
the tiktok account has been doing fairly well, which is exciting and also depressing. each time I post, comments come trickling in that share a deep nostalgia, overburdening sadness, and longing for the past. "life was so much better back then." "I'd risk it all to go back to 2012." "I would do anything to relive those years."
maybe I'm projecting, but it genuinely bums me out to see so many young people who share the same sentiment that I do. I resent that we live in a world that makes an imperfect past so tantalizing, and one that allows us to dip our toes into the pool of nostalgia through forgotten images and neglected pixels, but forbids us from truly immersing ourselves in the past (as time travel is still not yet possible.) And while I too feel the temptation to drown myself in hipster triangle galaxy edits and bokeh, I worry that I am erasing the complications from my own history, as nothing is ever as good as we remember it. Akin to a tormented Greek king, I roll my boulder of longing up a mountain of flickr images, blogs, and tumblr archives, pause for a brief moment to fully feel thirteen again, then watch it roll down and crash back into reality.
something something we must imagine sisyphus happy.
if it's not already apparent, I am pretty fucking depressed. This whole *gestures wildly at my blog and tiktok accounts* thing is actually born out of depression-induced nostalgia, and also out of a curiosity of mine: why do I feel so compelled by my tweens and early teens? was it something in the atmosphere back then? is just brain chemistry? did I peak in middle school?
god, I really hope I didn't peak in middle school.
anyways, whether you have a healthy relationship to the past (unlike me) or not, I hope you find some level of solace in these images, essays, and other digital fragments. Please remember to keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times as we are only ever moving forwards not backwards, and that you can come back to the past at any time, but there is no one here for you anymore.
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